You Are Not a Problem – You Have One

You Are Not a Problem – You Have One

by Waldemar Ryggmark October 30, 2010

My friend Waldemar Rygmark from Sweden was kind enough to share is story of recovery from both addiction and criminality. I appreciate his honesty and the effort it took to share his story. Here is living proof that recovery is possible. Addicted offenders can and often do get well - but they need to recover from both addiction and the antisocial personality traits that have often been instilled often since early childhood. People however, can change if they learn the truth - they are not their problem. Their history does not define them unless they choose it to be so. As human beings we can rise above out childhood programming and our addiction and with the help of others and a Higher Power of our understanding, reprogram ourselves to live a sober, responsible and meaningful life. Here is Waldemar Ryggmark's story:

Gorski Books: www.relapse.org

Gorski Training: www.cenaps.com

Terry Gorski on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Terry-Gorski/139026002796579

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My story For about 20 years my life consisted of being locked up, sent away and running away. I was a threat to society and to myself. Everyone that I meet in the “system” told me that my future consisted of lifelong incarceration.

Prisons, psychiatric wards and other institutions became my “home”. Drugs, alcohol and crime were my way of life and these things transformed me slowly to someone that no one wanted to be with, including myself. Many wonderful people tried to help me during those years but they knew as little as I did about where to begin. But these people made me keep my dignity in the darkest moments, and for that I will always be grateful. The seeds that they planted helped me many years later.

Since I was a little kid I always felt different and alienated, the choices I made to belong became something that took me even further away from other people and society. Over the years the antisocial lifestyle, drugs and alcohol became a “normal”. I didn’t let anyone come close to me emotionally, “get them before they get you” was my life motto.

My way back to life and society began almost 8 years ago, it will be 8 years November 4th, the words that made me dare to take the first steps toward sobriety and honesty were “you are not a problem but you have one”. The person who said these words to me was a recovering addict/criminal himself and I meet him at my first NA meeting. Those words changed everything for me. For the first time a door opened inside of me. What I had done and who I was deep inside, was two different things, but I had to take responsibility for my actions. And I did, and I loved it. For the first time I had a hopeful map with directions of where to begin and how to do it, and it was a guided tour, I had people around me who always were there for me.

It wasn’t easy the first years; the best word to describe what I was going through is “lifestyle abstinence”. I felt empty, without an identity and a great grief. Everything I was used to had to change, recovery was still a great experience, but in my own eyes I became a “nobody”. The familiar feelings of not belonging came back, but this time I handled those feeling by choosing to belong to myself in a good way, never again would I abandon myself again.

I am the kind of person who needed two solutions, one for my drug addiction and one for my criminal/antisocial personality. I had heard of a 12 step group called CGA (Criminals and Gangmembers Anonymous), but there were no meetings in my hometown Gothenburg, so I started CGA in Gothenburg and found the missing piece in my recovery. A couple years into my recovery I came across some papers about relapse prevention, that knowledge has carried me and my recovery through many rough periods.

My life could for sure have ended up very differently. Today I have a beautiful family and a great life. I went from being a threat to being an access. I work as an addiction/crime counselor, I have just finished my last CENAPS-GORSKI course in Denmark, and going through the seven modules is something that I’m very proud of. I’m the founder of “KRIS Lifestyle house” a project that helps ex-gangmembers back to society. Every day I meet myself in the people I try to help. The words “you are not a problem but you have one” is the first thing I tell them. And the majority believes me by taking the first steps towards life on life’s terms.

Waldemar Ryggmark/Gotheburg, Sweden